SFX: Restaurant Ambience

Sid: Sammy, the new guy will be here in a minute. He's gonna pitch you the new project. He just came in today. Ah, I hear he dresses in that kind of artiste bohemian look so don't let it throw ya. He's an ambitious, player, a go-getter, an up and comer, a mover and a shaker, he's lean and mean and he's going to eat the competition. Alright babe.

(leaves)

(Homeless man walks into restaurant)

Homeless man: I'm hungry

Sammy: "I'm hungry". Let me guess: You're going for a kind of expose on the social conscience deal, the real homeless problem in America, with a heart. 'We are the World' kind of feel with a compassion kind of thing...but 'with funny' is that it? Yeah, I think I can save it. We can get Patrick Swayze as a homeless, slightly retarded guy, but with a heart, and he's slow but he knows how to fight. We'll get Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris meets Kim Basinger in a comeback role. She plays this slightly alcoholic homeless woman, but with funny, and they meet in a shelter and they fall in love, with a heart, but they want to have sex but they don't have anyplace to go to have sex cuz they're homeless. Yeah I see it! We can get Whoopi Goldberg as a concerned, sassy, street-smart social worker.

Homeless man: I'm hungry

Sammy: I know what you mean, Whoopi Goldberg always plays a concerned, sassy, street-smart savvy social worker. So we'll maker her an alien... who slowly transforms into a hip, sassy, street-smart social worker, but with funny. I see it as a kind of Jackie Chan meets Forrest Gump. I think once we develop this thing it'll have Oscar written all over it. We can get Ron Howard to direct, Oliver Stone to produce. We have a relationship.

Homeless man: I'm hungry

Sammy: Yeah... that's just the type of voiceover we want to have on the trailer. [to waiter] Waiter, can I get a latte, a double latte, no whip cream, and some nutmeg? Over here? Anyway, I see it like the 'Falling Down' trailer. Or that other movie with Michael Douglas 'Running'. 'Running' or 'Falling Down' we'll call it 'Getting Up'. I think we can make it sexy so adults will like it but it'll be also family oriented, kids will like it. Pets will like it. It will appeal to inanimate objects. It's EVERYTHING! It's low-cost health insurance. It's a dessert topping. It's a floorwax. It's ... What were you saying?

Homeless man: I'm hungry

Sammy: Well I guess we could have you do the voiceover on the trailer. I mean you're the boy wonder, Orson Welles did his own trailers you know. Let me run that by my people, I'll get back to you on that.

Homeless man: I'm hungry

Sammy: I like the title, it's good, "I'm... hungry". "I'M HUNGRY--THE MOVIE". I see that. But our research shows that people respond to short titles. How about 'THE HUNGER'. It has a very Steven Kingish quality to it: THE HUNGER. A horror movie set in San Francisco. Eddie Murphy is a gay vampire who is afraid to suck blood because of AIDS. A family movie but adults would like it too, kids will adore it and it will appeal to pets too and the generation Xer's seniors will love it and also Baby Boomers. THE HUNGER, I see it as a kind of horror dramatic action romantic-action action-suspense thriller, but with funny. THE HUNGER. It's SCHINDLER'S LIST meets AIRPLANE! THE HUNGER! Buddy Hackett as the wacky drag queen neighbor with an attitude, who's into sadomasochism, but with a heart. THE HUNGER. Whoopi Goldberg as the wacky socially conscious yet street smart lesbian social worker with multiple personality disorder and a hairlip...but with funny. THE HUNGER.

Homeless man: I'm hungry

Sammy: Oh good idea! We'll make her character anorexic too. It's the whole 'we are the world' thing, with with a heart. WAITER! She wouldn't have to lose weight for the role, we could use cgi. THE HUNGER. The HUNGER...

Homeless man: I'm hungry

Sammy: We'll get Fonzie to direct, we have a relationship. He waves to me in the commissary. "THE HUNGER". Or we could get Potsie....

Homeless man: I'm hungry

Sammy: Or Penny Marshall. We have a relationship. Rob Reiner, hey... all bad Seventies sitcom co-stars they are the hot directors now. I know I know, hey, it's a brilliant idea, but I need a concept, not an idea. [To waiter] hey I ordered a DOUBLE latte, a DOUBLE what the hell is this crap?

Homeless man: I'm hungry

Sammy: I was thinking about just HUNGRY, that's even shorter. Or how about HUNG? It's got a ambivalent layered kind of otherness to it, kinda James Grisham meets Woody Allen quality to it. What do you think? HUNG. I like it. It's kind of like SNATCH but more of a date movie. We'll get Van Diesel...

Homeless man: I'm hungry.

Sammy: Well I know you like the original title, you want to stick to your original vision and that shows you have integrity as an artist, it's your baby, and I respect that. But I think we have to keep in mind the demographics, if we can give this a broader base of appeal we can get a bigger budget on it and that's more money in your pocket if you know what I mean. I'm sure you don't want to get a reputation as being difficult.

Homeless man: I'm hungry

Sammy: OH! You're killing me! Well let me run it past my people, call me next week and I'll get back to you on that. [to waiter] Can I get a croissant please??

Homeless man: (getting weaker) I'm so hungry.

Sammy: 'I'm So Hungry?' Well that is different than before. I don't... it sounds too sexy you know parents might think it's like that 2 Live Crew Song, 'I'm So Horny' wasn't it Sid? [looks around] Sid?? You know we do want a certain amount of controversy so long as it's not....

Homeless man: -I'm very hungry. I'm very hungry. I'm very hungry. I'm very hungry (continues)...

Sammy: Don't do this to me! You're killing me! We have to change the title! You're killing me! You're torturing me! You're sticking salad forks into my eyes and eating my retinas for lunch! You're sticking icepicks in my cojones! You're peeling my skin off and deep frying it and feeding it to rabid wolves! You're ripping my heart out of my chest and devouring it before my eyes! You're ripping my fingernails out with a pair of pliers! Don't do this to me!!!!

Homeless man: I'm verrrry.... hungryyy (falls down dead)

SFX: Body falling to ground

Sammy: Uh, let me get back to you on that.

Sid: Sammy, I think he's dead.

(Pause)

Sammy: Well that's the way it goes in this town. One minute you're the new boy wonder on top of the heap and the next you're dead in the water. [lights cigar]

Sid: No, I think he's really dead.

Sammy: Of course, you got to play ball in this town or your career's as good as dead you...

Sid: NO! (grabs Sammy's lapels) His life functions have ceased, he's stopped breathing, his heart's stopped beating, he's friggin' dead Sammy!

Sammy: Oh....hm...well I'm sure if he was alive he'd approve of the film. I've got the standard contract here, maybe if you could just put the pen in his hand and, you know, sort of kick him a bit, you can all witness this, we'll just have him waive all rights to the movie on account that he's... dead.

Sid: Good idea. (bends over) [to waiter]

Sammy: WHERE'S MY LATTE!!