Cynical News: '03

CIA HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON - At a special press conference today, CIA Director George J. Tenet revealed that careful and painstaking forensic analysis of the latest video tape purportedly to be that of a still-living Saddam Hussein (pictured left) has in fact revealed it to be none other than Percy Dovetonsils (pictured right).

"The key work in this analysis was the spectrum analysis on the voice" explained Tenet. "We picked up a distinctive lisp. He did his best to hide it, but our careful analysis picked it up". "Another key piece of evidence that it was Dovetonsils, was when the Saddam imposter stopped in mid-speech and began to recite poetry," Tenet explained. "I quote:

O' sometimes I wish I were a dog
A Boxer or a Cocker Spaniel
Or perhaps a German Spitz
Or maybe a chihuahua named Manuel
I met a girl named Doberman
An without a doubt it's cinch, her
Figures the greatest I've ever seen
Now I wish I were a Doberman Pinch-her. "

"This is the key signature". said Tenet emphatically. .

"We thought maybe it was a palsey shake at first or some sort of small seizure perhaps associated with injuries sustained, but this is definitely a signature of Dovetonsils".

Famed for appearing on the Ernie Kovacs show in the 50's, Tenet says that Dovetonsils has obviously aged, but still, true to form, has kept meticulous care of his appearance over the decades, his signature curls obviously concealed beneath the ever-present beret that he wears.

How he became associated with Hussein (whose whereabouts the Administration still insist remain a mystery), is unknown at this time, Tenet went on to say.

"One thing is for certain, if this man is involved in the regime, it sheds more light on why the weapons of mass destruction have not turned up," said Tenet in conclusion.

"He is, afterall, essentially.... a storyteller"