Cynical News 2005:

Nine Billion in Missing Iraq Funds:
"Lost in Wallet Somewhere"

A report presented before the US congress Sunday concluded that the Bush government handled the special funding for the rehabilitation of Iraq in a negligent manner, Israel Radio reported.

The report went on to say that because of the negligence more than nine billion US dollars intended for the rehabilitation of Iraq had gone missing.

Monday, Paul Bremmer, the former US governor in Iraq who was in charge of the special funding, responded to the report by saying that it was his fault, he had the 9 billion dollars in his wallet but apparently 'left it somewhere'.

"I, remember, I, uh, had 9 one-billion dollar bills in my wallet," said Bremmer, "and I left it somewhere, I thought it was onthe table by the bed, but when I looked it wasn't there. Sorry."

Bremmer reportedly also at that time lost his Visa card, driver's license and Blockbuster video card which were also in the wallet.

In a new development today, the wallet was said by Bremmer to have been returned but 'of course, the money wasn't in it'.