the fifth beatle

(SFX: Hitler speech in background, slightly sped up and microedited)

Paul: John? John?

John: What is it Paul?

Paul: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

John: Yeah this new band member isn't working out.

Ringo: Yeah, I mean when we signed him up to be a Beatle he was all into peace and love and everything.

Paul: Yeah I mean I thought he was all right and everything, he had the tie dyed t-shirt, the long hair, the love beads.

Ringo: Now he just hogs the studio all day long making his speeches.

John: I know.

Ringo: It's not just that John, he said some really inappropriate things to the Mahareshi Mahesh Yogi. He called him some name in German and said that he would be exterminated in the coming order.

Paul: Oh he's always going on about his coming order. What about our new album?

Ringo: He just doesn't care, Paul.

John: Adolf... Adolf... Adolf. Have you done any work on that song about peace and love we were talking about?

(Pause. Hitler ranting starts again)

John: Sigh

Paul: You just can't get through to him, I'm telling you.

Ringo: He's gone man.

Paul: I mean look at some of the lyrics he wrote for the new album. "Let me take you down because I'm going to invade Poland and supplant the inferior orders with a supreme master race made of an elite Aryan brotherhood". I mean where's the hook in that?

John: Yeah I mean look at these songs, "Lovely Eva Meter Maid", "It's been A Hard Day's Crystal Nacht", "Hey Juden".

Ringo: I don't think they're very appropriate, I mean what about peace and love?

Paul: How's that one go?

John: (playing guitar) Hey Juden danananananah [like Helter Skelter] Hey Juden dananananah.

Paul: Is that a G chord?

John: No A....

(fades)