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-= A Latent Einstein Outreach Ministry by Phineas Narco of the Church of the Subgenius =-



 

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So your sheets are dirty so you go to the laundry and it seems like you're constantly doing laundry, it seems like you are constantly dragging bags of your stinking wrinkled threadworn tshirts and sweat pants and dirty sheets to the laundry, and didn't I just do 5 loads last week? Now I got 5 loads more to do. How can I wear that much clothing in one week?

So your sheets are dirty so you go to the laundry and it seems like you're constantly doing laundry, it seems like you are constantly dragging bags of your stinking wrinkled threadworn tshirts and sweat pants and dirty sheets to the laundry, and didn't I just do 5 loads last week? Now I got 5 loads more to do. How can I wear that much clothing in one week?

And you have to wash your jacket because it's really dusty and dirty and awful and you try to put your last quarter into the machine and the machine won't accept your last quarter and you've already put the soap in and for some strange reason the machine doesn't like your last quarter and no one will give you a quarter and so you have to go to the 7-11 next door and you have to buy a lime green slurpee you have to buy a lime green slurpee because they don't give you any change without purchase and so you sit there in the laundromat smelling the fumes and the bleach and the fabric softener smell and it's hot and humid and uncomfortable and you spend all day doing laundry.

And then later you really don't have anything to do so you just think "I'll go to McDonald's. I'll go to McDonald's and buy a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. I'll go to McDonald's and buy a Quarter Pounder with Cheese that will cheer me up."

And so, you drive to McDonald's and they're closed. They're fucking CLOSED at 10pm and you just sit there in the parking lot wondering what to do with yourself and you think "I'll just drive around aimlessly, that's what I'll do, I'll just drive around aimlessly, I'll explore the city that I live in".

But you know that it's all just closed strip malls and 7-11's and gas stations and shoe stores and banks and laundromats and then you imagine you have voices in your head telling you where to go and you think about crashing your car into the abutment of the freeway, but you don't want to do that cuz it will fuck up your insurance.... so you just go home and you wish you had some drugs to do you wish you had some drugs to do or at least a crossword puzzle or SOMETHING to just relieve the horrible awful boredom of it all.

And you think "I should clean up my apartment, I should be responsible", but you just want to lay there in your bed and you stare at the ceiling and you wish you were hallucinating .

You think 'maybe if I were hallucinating it would be INTERESTING'

But it isn't.

And then, after a while you just take your medication and you whack yourself off some more and you get ready to go to sleep and just as you're about to drift off into dreamland you realize that your sheets are dirty because you forgot to do them at the fucking laundry!

ThoughtConduit v17.11.12B