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This was written just after the U.S. military action in Iraq began after 9/11. It is a direct spoof of the Monty Python Cheese Shoppe sketch with George W. Bush as the John Cleese character and Saddam Hussein as the ever evasive shop keeper.
(Inspired by Monty Python's Flying Circus)
BUSH: Swords, sabers, knives, cutlery of any sort, nailguns, ballpeen hammers, ping pong paddles, bataca bats?
SADDAM: (shakes head throughout)
BUSH: Exploding pens,
SADDAM: Uh, not as such.
BUSH: Exploding shoes,
BUSH: steel-toed boot?
BUSH: B-B Guns,
BUSH: Rubber bands,
BUSH: Damp spitballs?
SADDAM: Not *today*, sir, no.
BUSH: Aah, how about nuclear MISSILES?
SADDAM: Well, we don't get much call for them around here, sir.
BUSH: Not much ca--they're the single most popular weaponry in the world!
SADDAM: Not 'round here, sir.
BUSH: (slight pause) and what IS the most popular weaponry 'round hyah?
SADDAM: SCUD missiles, sir.
BUSH: ARE they?
SADDAM: Oh, yes, they're staggeringly popular in this region.
BUSH: ARE they.
SADDAM: They're our number one best weapon, sir!
BUSH: I see. Uuh...Scud missiles, eh?
SADDAM: Right, sir.
BUSH: All right. Okay. (pause) 'Have you...'
SHUT THOSE BLOODY KURDS UP!
SADDAM: Sorry sir
BUSH: Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.
SADDAM: I'll have a look, sir... nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno!
BUSH: It's not much of a evil, dangerous weapons-of-mass-destruction-bearing COUNTRY, is it?
SADDAM: The most dangerous in the region!
BUSH: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
SADDAM: Well, we're so MEAN, sir!
SADDAM: (brightly) You haven't asked me about suitcase bombs sir.
BUSH: Would it be worth it?
SADDAM: Could be....
BUSH: (slowly) Have you got any suitcase bombs?
BUSH: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
BUSH: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any weapons here at all.
SADDAM: No, sir, sorry sir, I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.
BUSH: I see. Well. I'm going to have to bomb you.
SADDAM: Right-o sir.
BUSH: What a *senseless* waste of human life.
(Puts on cowboy hat and rides off into sunset)