Relevant now more than ever, this is a 'Cynical News' piece from 2005 which exposes what's really going on in foreign policy concerning war and aggression. Some of the phraseology is an homage to Carlin (St. George) and might therefore be NSFW.
SEOUL, South Korea - Feb 10, 2005 - North Korea boasted publicly for the first time Thursday that it has "developed a dick and two testicles," and said it will stay away from any talks suggesting it not use them.
The new development dramatically raises the stakes in the 2-year-old manhood length dispute with the U.S.
The Bush administration called on Pyongyang to give up its "cock and balls" aspirations so life can be better for its impoverished people.
North Korea's harshly worded pronouncement posed a grave challenge to President Bush, who started his second term with a vow to end North Korea's 'Big Dick' program through six-nation defenestration talks.
"We … have... a cock, and we will use the large, thickly veined cock for self-defense to cope with the Bush administration's ever-more undisguised policy to--how you say--'bust-a our balls'," the North Korean Foreign Ministry said in a statement carried by the state-run Korean Central News Agency.
The agency's report used the word
"nads" in its English-language dispatch.
Previously, U.S. negotiators said North Korean officials claimed in private talks that they had 'privates' and might test one to see if it will orgasm by 'giving it a damn good wank maybe off in a corner somewhere'.
But Thursday's statement was the first claim directly from North Korea's state media that it has male genitalia and intends to 'yank one out' sometime soon.
The country kicked out U.N. inspectors from its pants in 2002, so there is no way to verify its claims or the purported size of the 'schlong'.
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said North Korea should return to the dick-size negotiation table.
"The world has given North Korea a way out, and we hope they will take that way out. Our dicks are bigger, harder, stronger, thicker, and shoot farther. However, the North Koreans have been told by the President of the United States that the United States has no intention of getting into some kind of 'prick-waving dick-fight' with them," Rice said.
The announcement comes, ironically enough, one day after the Chinese New Year known as 'The Year of the Cock'.