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News : Cynical News - Saddam in Video Actually Percy Dovetonsils (From 2003)
Posted by phineas narco on February 28, 2014 10:41 PM

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Saddam Hussein in wartime videoPercy Dovetonsils

CIA HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON - CIA Director George J. Tenet revealed at a press conference today that careful and painstaking forensic analysis of the latest video tape, purportedly to be that of a still-living Saddam Hussein (pictured above, left) has in fact revealed it to be none other than Percy Dovetonsils (pictured above, right).

"The key point in this analysis was the spectrum analysis on the voice" explained Tenet. "We picked up a distinctive lisp. He did his best to hide it, but our specialized equipment has picked it up. Another key piece of evidence that it was Dovetonsils, was when the Saddam imposter stopped in mid-speech and began to recite poetry," Tenet explained.

"I quote:

O' sometimes I wish I were a dog
A Boxer or a Cocker Spaniel
Or perhaps a German Spitz
Or maybe a chihuahua named Manuel
I met a girl named Doberman
An without a doubt it's cinch, her
Figures the greatest I've ever seen
Now I wish I were a Doberman Pinch-her. "


Tenet then slowed down the tape to reveal in time lapse 'Saddam' pursing his lips and shaking his head back and forth prissily.

"This is the key signature". said Tenet emphatically, pointing to the screen. "We thought maybe it was a palsey shake at first or some sort of small seizure perhaps associated with injuries sustained in the initial attack, but this is definitely a physical signature of Dovetonsils".

Famed for appearing on the Ernie Kovacs show in the 50's, Tenet says that Dovetonsils has obviously aged, but still, true to form, has kept meticulous care of his appearance over the decades, his signature curls obviously concealed beneath the ever-present beret that he wears.

"How he became associated with Hussein (whose whereabouts the Administration still insist remain a mystery), is unknown at this time", Tenet went on to say. "

One thing is for certain, if this man is involved in the regime, it sheds more light on why the weapons of mass destruction have not turned up," said Tenet in conclusion.

"He is, afterall, essentially.... a storyteller"

Tags: humor, spoof, cynical news, 2003. iraq war, political

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