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This is a list of Cynical News stories that I was actually too lazy to write up. You can just imagine the rest of the stories. These are works of humor and satire. Some of these are a bit dated. Not to be taken (too) seriously with any regularity. Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

Cynical News Logo

 

'War Against Terror' Now Called
'War Against the Not at All
Nice People who Want to Blow Us Up'

men running away from huge explosion


Scary  Terrorist Captive
Actually Torgo from MST3K

Famous terroristTorgo from Mystery Science Theater 3000

 


Pat Robertson Continues Slow, Steady Descent Into Madness

Pat Robertson with glazed eyes

 


George W. Bush Protected by Entourage
of Happy Oompa-Loompahs

George W. Bush and Oompah Loompahs

 


Separated at Birth?

Michael Jackson Richard Ramirez 'The Night Stalker'

 


Pope Still Dead

Grave of Pope John Paul

 


George W. Bush Wins Truman Capote Lookalike Contest

Oddly dressed George W. Bush



Schwarzenegger Can't Keep Hands Off Own Titties

Very out of shape Arnold Schwarzenegger



"KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!"

George W. Bush Yelling



Stoners Realize Secret to Universe,
Too Stoned to Write it Down

Stoners in front of band equipment



Serial Killer Has Long History
of Serial-Killing

Picture of BTK Killer



Area Man's Computer
Better-Maintained Than Own Body

Incredibly fat guy in front of computer



Internet Attention-Whores
Welcome Domestic Spying

Internet Attention Whore Jumping for Joy in front of computer

ThoughtConduit v17.10.16A